We all want to make this world a better place, I think. For certain, I know that I do. Because of this, there has always been quite a bit of focus and education with my kids about respect, giving to others, sharing, and like-wise kindly gestures. It has been important to me as a mother in such a crazy world to teach my children that fits and fighting and violence (no matter how mild) get you no where.
Enter soccer.
For the past 5 years, my son has been playing soccer in a local recreational league. My daughter started it last year as well. Now I cheer for them to run and kick and push and steal! From the sidelines, I give my sweet, beautiful, loving little girl tips on how to mow over an equally cute brunette and get that ball to the net. Kids fall down and I’m yelling for them to walk it off. My boy is not the most aggressive of players…so each Saturday I try to get him psyched about playing by telling him “I know they don’t give cards in your league, but I totally want you to EARN a yellow card.”
No wonder our kids need therapy!! We spend all this time trying to teach them to be kind and sharing and good people…..and the next weekend we are yelling for them to tromp other kids into the mud! However, I do think this all serves a great purpose.
Life is never as idyllic as we would like it to be. We want to protect our children from all of the hardships that are out there and let them experience a childhood that is nothing but bliss. By playing these sports that require work and aggression, and by encouraging them to get aggressive, we give them a glimpse to the REAL world. They have an opportunity to learn what it means to work with someone, and to achieve a goal (pardon the pun).
This became painfully clear about a month ago when my son decided that he did not want to play soccer anymore. He is very much a team player and not one that has to be the “super star” making the goals – and the kids that are like that are very frustrating to him. He and I had a conversation where I reminded him that by putting on the same jersey as everyone else, he made a promise to his team: that he would always be there for them. And that promise is not dependent on whether or not the other kids kept up their end of that promise. He thought about it, and agreed to stick out the rest of the season before taking a break.
So….in working to be more aggressive and fight for his goal, he is learning to work with a team and let each player do what he is best at. My daughter, in being encouraged to run over those other sweet 5 year olds, has learned that she can make a goal and that standing up for herself isn’t a bad thing.
Mixed messages can be tough….but I think that in the game of soccer it has proven to provide balance and not conflict.
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